Parasites and relatives don't mix well...
I’ve written about what I was dealing by the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008. I was 23 back then. I was still at my parents.
This is not an easy post for me, but I think it might help someone, so I’m going to be opened about how my family and friends were reacting to my situation. I think someone might be going through something similar, and maybe this helps so you don’t feel so lonely. Good thing is, you will probably find some support, eventually. Even if it is only online with people who have gone through similar circumstances and totally understand what you’re going through.
By the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008, so many things had gone wrong from the perspective of a formerly healthy young woman, that I was in desperation mode. I was really young, and maybe not strong enough. But I think anyone would have felt pretty scared in my shoes.
So, I was trying to go on with my life, but crying considerably most days. I was totally freaked out, and none of the people that I thought could do something to help were listening. No doctors, no relatives. When none of the people that you think might be able to help listen, and you are totally lost, this adds up and you might think there is no solution. This is hard to deal with.
My parents were making things sooo much harder. In seeing me as desperate they totally went nuts themselves.
My Dad yelled at me on a daily basis, specially in the mornings when it would be hard for me to start functioning. He told me that I was good for nothing, that I had turned into someone useless. He yelled at me so that I would just react and “get over it”.
So that you get the idea, I was always a very good student in school and a responsible person in all aspects of my life. Never brought any problems home as a teenager, barely drank any alcohol or dated guys until passed 18. At college I did ok, never flunked a subject and during summers I would mostly study languages or work or do internships. I studied abroad for a year. I was a healthy and focused young woman. I could have been called many things but NOT useless.
My Mom was not as cruel, but was totally freaked out because she thought her daughter had gone nuts. Sometimes, when I was at my worst, she threatened me with calling the hospital that would inject me with anti-psychotics and would put me to sleep (thank God this never happened!). She used to tell me that I just had to stop speaking non-sense because my boyfriend would not put up with it and would dump me. Thank you Mom!
Eventually, they did practically force me into taking antidepressants, which did help a little with my mood but, obviously, not with my symptoms. I took them for about 6 months. I think they anesthetized me somehow. When I started feeling better after another doctor’s treatment, but was still dealing with weird sensations and symptoms, I wanted to leave everything behind so bad I didn’t go into calmly searching for answers to the weird stuff I was still experimenting. I whipped everything that had happened of my mind and moved on. For someone that minds their diet as I do and tries to stay healthy, this doesn’t make that much sense. Now I think I acted this way because a) I had been through some kind of hell and just wanted to LIVE and b) I somewhat “believed” I had been too stressed out and dramatic about the situation. Maybe a few bugs wouldn’t kill me after all.
My parents are not bad people. I know the situation was VERY hard on them too. I don’t have kids, but it must be very painful to see a son or a daughter in pain. But they did not make the needed effort to listen even if it was only for one second and go beyond the “mainstream medical believe of things”. I could have dealt with doubt, with a big dose of disbelief. I totally understand. What hurt me bad is that they totally shut themselves up. There was no hope for me in bringing them into the situation. And this hurt.
My big support at that time was my boyfriend and a close friend.
My one year long boyfriend somehow knew something was terribly wrong physically with me. But he was lacking the initiative to know how to help (practically). He was a big emotional support but was so lost in how to approach the circumstances and where to start from in the search for answers. I don’t blame him and have always thanked him for his trust and his support. Imagine yourself starting your relationship with a woman and being dragged into this nutty situation within months – a year into the relationship. He, like me, was young too. I had also started being sick just after we started dating, and this was playing big with my mind because I thought his cat or something else at his house could maybe have been a source of infection, and this was hard on the relationship. But we managed to survive it.
I had two close friends.
One of them was there, more or less, for some support. Some.
My other friend knew me pretty well and absolutely trusted me on everything that was going on with me health-wise. But she didn’t understand the desperation I was feeling. She was pretty serious with me when I was at my worst, and a good support when I was a little better. I do have to recognize she did a “good job” in keeping me somewhat grounded. I did have some dark thoughts back then, and when I did she was very serious that I had to get over the fear and desperation and just keep going and keep searching and would eventually find a solution. “There is always hope”, she used to tell me. She’s always been grounded and realistic and clear, doesn’t mince her words. And an independent thinker, by the way. Which was also the key to her approach to things.
No feedback yet
|« Doctors, NDs, and parasites: mainstream skepticism but some hope||A seminar on... parasites! »|