Comment from: Olga [Member]
Seeing this published in this blog has made me cry considerably... Most of us have been there one way or the other and we know how this "changes everything". I guess a troubling health is what it is and can get as bad as it can get, but it is these life experiences that "change everything", don't they? That change your perspective on family (always depending on their reaction and your previous relationship with them), healthcare, close friendship, love, loneliness, despair, compassion.

There has been loneliness with no support (but, rather, cruelty from others) in this journey for all of us, I think. I guess with time you can accept what happened, but you can never be ok with it. That would be exactly what you describe: cooperating with the bull, or saying that the bull was supposed to charge at you with his horns.

I've distanced myself from those who hurt me in my own way; in a personal and "disguised" way; meaning they don't really know about my real feelings (or about what I'm going through...), and I do socialize with them, but I've built a wall towards them, with time. I play a role that makes them happy and makes me at peace. It's a win-win for all.

In my own situation this is the easiest and "most practical" and "most efficient" for me. Talking about "practicality" or "efficiency" when it comes down to emotions, feelings and relatives may seem pretty cold, but sometimes it is the best you can do, or the only thing you can do to be at peace. It takes time not to feel guilty about these "strategies", but at last one understands it is not a matter of disdain or hate or even non-acceptance, but rather of acceptance, and survival. And at the end, of being happy.

I'm SO sorry you have had to go through all of this.

Thank you for sharing DD Rose. I'm sure it is going to help others. As I said it really touched me to see this posted here. I'll be posting on some personal story struggles soon too.
08/19/13 @ 05:20
Comment from: DD Rose [Member]
Thank you, Olga, for being so transparent. By posting this, I see now that it will have an impact on people. Since the severe health crisis that I dealt with has passed, I've been able to process the trauma better -- in truth, it has only been a short time (2 years) that their relentless attacking has stopped or most likely subsided, for now. Dealing with critical health issues and other matters that go along with it, on top of abusive people is far more than one can handle and it almost killed me (no exaggeration, here). There are studies on how words can be detrimental. These people have adopted a philosophy that they can say anything they want because "words don't matter"; they LOVE labels and putting people in their imaginary boxes. Shameful. Abusiveness along with ruthlessness I can't allow it in my life, ever again. Period. Life in general is hard, but to have others who we entrust, who makes a situation exceedingly harder to deal with because they have a hardness upon their hearts is a difficult thing to go through. I'm amazed how people flippantly justify themselves or how they refuse to take any responsibility for their behavior. Today, I have people around me who speak positive things into my life and this has made a difference.

I do have some friends that I'm still in contact with from that time where there is a barrier, as you've described. The difference between them and family is that they have been kinder since their misstep (maybe they have acknowledged their error?). Also, whatever they did or said was done once or maybe twice and not an ongoing thing. I recently had another friend contact me who apologized to me twice admitting that they were less than compassionate when I had tried to explain what was going on with me; unfortunately, today they are in a health crisis and understand my perspective. The difference between them and family is evident to me. If I have to have contact with family (via phone), the time is extremely limited and I give them no time to throw in a zinger.

The nature of lightening is that it will strike... my thoughts, stay out of the path of lightening. Again, I have forgiven but I don't have a desire to break bread with those people. The bowl has been broken -- hard to disguise the numerous cracks on the whole object.
08/19/13 @ 13:33
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